A gift wrapped in trash

It began, quite simply. My mother wanted me to get the BRCA testing and I did it just to shut her up and leave me alone. You guessed it, she went on about it more than once. 


You can't just walk into your Dr.'s office and say "I want the BRCA testing." I had to first make an appointment with my primary care physician~~when I went I took my mother's results with me~~to show the risk I already had. 


My primary care then referred me to an oncologist. She then requested the test to be done. 


I was thinking I would probably have to go to the University of Illinois Medical department to have this done. Fortunately for me, I was able to have the blood drawn at my local hospital. 


There are a couple BRCA genes and right now, I don't even remember which one or comprehensive or whatever I was tested for.


Fill out a little paperwork, draw your blood, send it off, wait for the results.


So, I waited.


Don't remember it taking all that long for the results to come back.


The day after I got the results, we were headed to Grand Bend, Ontario Canada to race with IHRA Nitro Jam~~hence the name nitrogypsy I have.


Imagine if you will~~you have to inventory your whole rig~~top to bottom, side to side; the dog has to have her paperwork, you have to have your paperwork, your meat has to say "product of USA"; you don't know if your rig will be inspected once you get to Canada; you make sure your crew has all their paperwork~~it's your first time into Canada. And then on top of it, you get these positive results that say you are at high risk for ovarian and breast cancer. HBOC~~hereditary breast/ovarian cancer. 


Needless to say, it was a STRESSFUL weekend!!!!


Once there, I tried to immerse myself in the usual things~making sure my crew had food, making sure the dog was walked, making sure guys on other crews were fed, making sure the car was working o.k., the list can go on.......


That didn't work too well. 


Thank goodness God Speed Ministry was put in my path!! Renee has been a savior!!! She has let me cry on her shoulder, listened to me rant, rave, moan, groan and never once has she told me to put on my big girl panties!!


One morning while there, I walked past her service, it was just ending, and so I talked with her at length. This was the first time she let me cry on her shoulder. She just let me let it all out. 


She said something that I have told over and over "it was a gift wrapped in trash." Boy, did she ever hit the nail on the head with that one!! Just because it was crappy news, just because there was something I could do, just because  the medical community had the knowledge to administer this test~~didn't make it any easier to hear. Good new wrapped in trash.


Medical knowledge has come so far~~it's great that we can find a way to predict what might happen. In my case, it wasn't if it was going to happen, it was when. I could not go through what my grandmother and my mother went through. 


Everyone seems to think I am a strong person. I have news for them, I just like to be in control of things, that does not make me strong, it just makes me controlling. I am trying to be better at letting things go.